OK, let’s have some fun. Do we know any of these celebs? No. But if they had a b’nai mitzvah around their 13th birthday, these are the parashiyot they would have performed.
…and if you are a celeb and want to talk with me about your big day, just call me! Don’t be a big shot!
Joc Pederson
Burt Bacharach
Hank Azaria
Joseph Heller
Dave Franco
Gene Wilder
Les Paul
Saul Bellow
Zack Weiss
Amy Winehouse
David Lee Roth
Elie Wiesel
Gwyneth Paltrow
Harry Connick Jr.
Lenny Krayzelburg
Jared Shuster
Dustin Hoffman
Gene Simmons
Leon Uris
Shelley Winters
Beanie Feldstein
Kat Dennings
Martin Landau
Shia LaBeouf
Mitchell Schwartz
Anita Diamant
Gary Shteyngart
Tobey Maguire
Benny Goodman
Gal Gadot
Herman Wouk
Odeya Rush
Tony Curtis
Garrett Stubbs
Bob Dylan
Michael Chabon
Omri Katz
Harold Pinter
Jami Gertz
Jeff Goldblum
Jesse Eisenberg
Liev Schreiber
Peter Green
Sacha Baron Cohen
Logan Lerman
Paul Rudd
Mark Spitz
Mia Kirshner
Zosia Mamet
Danny DeVito
Mike D (Michael Diamond)
Pete Davidson
Scarlett Johansson
Shawn Green
Amare Stoudemire
Barry Manilow
Jason Schwartzman
Mel Brooks
Natalie Portman
Estelle Getty
Joey King
Josh Radnor
Lisa Kudrow
Lolo Jones
Daniel Radcliffe
David Duchovny
Elliott Gould
Mark Knopfler
MCA (Adam Yauch)
Tara Lipinski
Alexander Gould
Bea Arthur
Billy Joel
Dianna Agron
Bernard Malamud
Jerry Seinfeld
Adam Sandler
Josh Charles
Lea Michele
Leonard Bernstein
Andrew Garfield
Chris Pine
Etgar Keret
Evan Rachel Wood
Howard Jacobson
Itzhak Perlman
Peter Falk
Pink (Alecia Moore)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Rashida Jones
Lizzy Caplan
Ad-Rock (Adam Horovitz)
Art Garfunkel
David Schwimmer
Drake (Aubrey Graham)
Joaquin Phoenix
Richard Dreyfuss
Roseanne Barr
B.J. Novak
Harrison Ford
Phoebe Snow
Omri Casspi
Adrien Brody
Kate Hudson
Seth Rogen
Alan King
Corey Haim
Emmanuelle Chriqui
Judd Apatow
Mayim Bialik
Sarah Silverman
Simon Helberg
Timothee Chalamet
Scott Effross
Isla Fisher
Jonathan Safran Foer
Josh Rosen
Aaron Taylor-Johnson
Lenny Kravitz
Molly Ephraim
Troye Sivan
Aly Raisman
Dave Roberts
Julian Edelman
Ben Platt
Fran Drescher
Michael Douglas
Bob Geldof
Maggie Gyllenhaal
Michael Landon
Winona Ryder
Allegra Goodman
Corey Feldman
James Maslow
Michelle Kwan
Amanda Peet
J.D. Salinger
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Rod Serling
Kevin Pillar
Zach Braff
Brad Ausmus
Andy Samberg
Mila Kunis
Nicole Krauss
Barbra Streisand
James Franco
Dara Torres
Sarah Hughes
Aharon Appelfeld
Ben Schnetzer
Chaim Potok
Shelley Berman
Alan Rickman
Amos Oz
Lou Reed
Ben Stiller
Kirk Douglas
Michael Vartan
Woody Allen
Kerri Strug
Ryan Braun
Jason Lezak
Alan Arkin
Herb Alpert
Larry Page
Philip Roth
Rhea Perlman
Riki Lindhome
Sarah Jessica Parker
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Alex Bregman
Ike Davis
Jason Segel
Max Fried
Harrison Phillips
Debra Messing
Geddy Lee
Jeremy Piven
Adam Levin
Alyson Hannigan
Ansel Elgort
Jerry Lewis
Bette Midler
Nathan Englander
Dean Kremer
Lauren Bacall
Leonard Cohen
Paul Simon
A.B. Yehoshua
Eli Wallach
Hailee Steinfeld
Randy Newman
Sandy Koufax
Jordan Farmar
Adam Driver
Goldie Hawn
Mandy Patinkin
Isaac Asimov
Jake Gyllenhaal
Jerry Wexler
Jonah Hill
Maude Apatow
Nat Wolff
Billy Crystal
Emory Cohen
Hal Linden
Rowdy Tellez
Adam Brody
Alden Ehrenreich
Isaac Bashevis Singer
Steven Spielberg
Zoe Kravitz
Carole King
David Grossman
Neil Diamond
Please wait, I'm just looking things up...
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